So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
