Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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