I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
