fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
