are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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