I'm really into asian looking animals
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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