New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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