where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
