Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
