i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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