if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
