do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
