She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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