I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
