drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
