Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
