2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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