Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
