R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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