Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
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after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
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We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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