You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
