I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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