My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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