that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
