the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
