Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
