I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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