Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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