she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
