im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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