i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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