I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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