he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
