The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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