i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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