If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
