I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
