I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
