I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
