and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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