i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
