I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
