go do what you do best...puke behind churches
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
