cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
