Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize