ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
