I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
