I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
