At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
