there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
