addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
