SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
