your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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