I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
