I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Operation Purity has been aborted
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
