God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
