Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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