It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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