She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
