My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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