Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
