take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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