I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
