i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
