If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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