Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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