There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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