I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
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Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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