Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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