I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
