So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
